You’re not behind: A healing journey for high-achieving women

thumaicoaching
Nov 13
3 min read

If you’ve ever felt like you’re falling behind in your career, your growth, or even in your healing, this post is for you.

Sometimes, we’re not really falling behind. Life is simply inviting us to pause, to breathe, to heal, and to be a little kinder to ourselves, and that’s where the healing journey for high-achieving women truly begins.

When “Catching Up” Becomes a Way of Life

During a recent mentoring session at the International Coaching Institute (ICI), one participant, shared that she had just returned after two months away following the loss of her sister.

She asked softly, “There has been a delay in my studies. What would be the best approach for me to catch up?”

Our mentor paused for a moment and then replied gently: “You are not behind. You are where you are. You just went through a significant life experience. This period will serve you somehow.”

Her words brought a lump to my throat.

Because I remembered myself in early 2022, when my father passed away and I, too, returned to class after two months of silence.

In my first coaching practice after coming back, I told my coach, “I’m behind with my studies. I need to catch up.”

At the end of that session, my mentor said with compassion: “You don’t need to catch up. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be. This is your time to grieve, and that’s okay.”

The Moment Everything Shifted

I burst into tears.

Because once again, the high achiever in me had taken over-the part that equates progress with worth, movement with meaning, and stillness with failure.

That moment changed something in me.

I realized how often I had rushed through life, afraid of being left behind, pushing harder, doing more, carrying more - all in the name of “being okay.”

But in that constant striving, I was quietly drifting away from myself.

The Urge to “Move On” Too Quickly

When my fellow coach shared her story, I saw that same pattern, the urge to rush healing, to “move on” quickly just to feel in control again.

And I shared with her what I learned back then: that healing has its own rhythm, and that being kind to ourselves isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom.

We are not falling behind.

We are simply in the part of our journey that asks us to rest, to recover, and to learn how to be gentle with ourselves again.

What the Healing Journey Teaches High-Achieving Women About Self-Kindness

After my father’s passing, I wrote this in my journal: “Being kind to myself is the greatest act of kindness.”

For many high-achieving women, especially those of us who tend to hold everything together, self-kindness can feel like a luxury.

We’re used to the rhythm of “just a little more,” “not yet,” “I can’t stop now.” We fear that slowing down means disappointing others or losing our edge.

But part of the healing journey for high-achieving women is learning to see ''slowing down" not as a weakness, but as a form of wisdom.

Reflect & Reconnect

Take a gentle pause and ask yourself:

When do I feel the strongest urge to “catch up”?
What story am I telling myself about being “behind”?
What might I discover in the quiet, if I stopped running for just a moment?
Where in my life could I replace striving with softness this week?
What would it look like today if I offered myself the same compassion I give to everyone else?